This journal will no longer be populated after today. However, you can continue to follow me over on Dreamwidth, along with my [Bad username:  miraclebean] posts on Dreamwidth under the name CaszABrewin (not case sensitive).

I'm sad to see LJ fall apart as I've been posting here since 2004. But everything's been migrated over and I'm hoping that Dreamwidth maintains the feel that LJ has had over the years.

Best wishes to those who stay and I hope you'll join me over at Dreamwidth. 

Bawk the truck up: the second month of chicken keeping http://www.casondrabrewster.com/?p=1746 #backyardchickens #urbanfarming #blog  This entry was originally posted at http://caszabrewin.dreamwidth.org/626422.html. Please comment there using OpenID.

 November 6, 2012 Morning Pages 0831hrs. Sunny and mild …again. Shakespeare Mug. Clouds are moving in, however. And we did get some rain last night. I don’t mind it when it rains at night, it seems right for it to rain at night. That’s how the land was when I lived in Hawaii.

Yesterday was good. The doctor, however, did not call me back…so I need to call again, today. It’s really annoying. I know he’s not in the office on Fridays, but he could have called me yesterday. I did call on THURSDAY. Hurumpf.

Heading into the Emerald City soon, to visit with my dear friend, @dellaluscious (if you’re on twitter, you should follow her). We’re going to do the coffee, chat and write together today. She’s working on another one-woman show, and me, well I’m still chugging along with SECOND THOUGHT. Did I share with you my little elevator speech on what this WIP is about? I can’t recall. Whatever, if so, here it is again:

 

When a preacher turns evil, a language arts teacher must save her entire town from the grips of a malevolent creature.

 

It needs a little work, but it is what it is. I also came up with this log line:  A small town is gripped by a malevolent creature and thrust into an epic battle of good versus evil.

 

It will come, I’m sure.

 

In the meantime, enjoy this art….done by my daughter and my friend.

 

 

Still trying to eat healthy. My friend has been on this ideal protein diet in the past month and has lost 20 lbs. It’s very noticeable and I find myself wishing that my weight was down more. Pictures were taken yesterday at the party and I had to untag myself from all of them off of facebook, because I just look terrible. I did take this photo yesterday and I feel like I don’t look bad. But candid shots at an impromptu moment? I look like someone else. Still struggling to look on the outside like the person I feel on the inside.

I’ve also been actually putting on a little bit of make-up all this month. Again, trying to take better care of myself, to feel good about myself. As an author who is thrust into the cycle of self-doubt, these small habits are good, I think.

Well the laundry and the painting are waiting and then there is the driving into the Emerald City.

I hope you all have a great election day. I’m voting, alongside Chuck Wendig and voted as if I was poor. Oh, wait….

And you know THIS had to be today’s Soundtrack:

 October 11, 2012 Morning Pages 0732 hrs. Cloudy and cool, 45 degrees in Twin Peaks. ARE WE HAVING FUN YET? Mug

 

Today will be the last days of sunshine for at least three to four days. I will attempt to get as much outside time today as possible. Not sure how as family responsibilities will be interfering with my ability to get what _I_ want done today.

 

I have more things to add to the etsy shop, today – and more work on other projects. SECOND THOUGHT needs about 10k more words. Not that I could get them all out today, but making a dent into that matrix would be nice.

 

Also I have this steampunk story to put together for the anthology I was invited to submit to.

 

My desk is a disaster and hubby and I realized that we hadn’t received our ballots. Chatting quickly with some local friends, they haven’t either, so it’s just too early. Likely soon. I want this political season over. I’m so done with it.

 

Tank had a better day at school it seems. I’m still taking him to the therapist today – she’ll help him with tactics for the bullying – he’ll listen more if it doesn’t come from me.

 

Have to call the hair salon and have them help Pnut fix her bad hair dye job. Her friend put conditioner into the hair dye, I found out yesterday, and that’s why the fucking thing is not taking and I have BLUE everywhere. However, she’s still fighting this stomach bug, so not sure she can stand to be in a beauty chair for hours, but we’ll see.

 

Bean seems to be having a really good start to the school year. Knock on wood. Let’s hope it continues.

 

I also have some freelance work I have to get done today.

 

And the fucking freezer. I have to inventory the freezer and make a meal plan. Luckily today is leftovers.

 

Okay, I need to get a move on. I have a proposal, photos to edit…etc.

 

Today’s music, in honor of this (where my brother will be sitting right next to her. Lucky bastard. Me, I’ll just watch/listen to the webcast. You can, too.):

 

 

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 September 30, 2012 Morning Pages 0744 hrs. Clear and cool outside. 46 degrees. Fog and mist encircling the low areas this morning. Walk with the dog early; since I didn’t sleep much last night.

 

I’m starting this entry, although it will be interrupted, because I have to take my hungover son to work.

 

I don’t even know where to start. All my ….

 

Above is where I was interrupted. So Bean went to his job. He got anxious and tried to call me to come get him; I said, I would get him when he’s done. Then I will let him sleep off the rest of his hangover so he’s not a bear during his brother’s party.

 

Shit. There is the phone.

 

He’s giving me play by play about having to get sick; feeling like he’s going to pass out.

 

Well yeah, dumbass. You got drunk while on medication that clearly says, “Do not consume alcohol while on this medication.”

 

I kept getting up throughout the night to check on him and make sure that he was still breathing.

 

Dumb.

Dumb.

Dumb.

 

I will have to return to keeping a tighter leash on him.

 

I’m being exceptionally tough love given that my son is HFA/ASD. He could potentially have a meltdown at this job site; but, this is all part of what he has to go through to learn. He did say, “I’ll never do this again; I had no idea it would punish me like this.”

 

Duh.

 

Personally, I was sick after eating movie theatre popcorn last night. Hubby, Tank and I went to the movie theatre here in town to see the silliness called “Hotel Transylvania.” It was a pure fun movie. I liked it. I loved that Steve Buscemi was one of the voice actors, too. Steve doesn’t get enough props for what a great actor he is. Ugly mofo; but, brilliant artist.  But that illness caused by eating something my body just isn’t used to any more was all before Bean came home. It continued after he got home because as my hearing fades (despite what fucking V.A. says); my smell is getting stronger. And Bean’s drunk puking made me ill, too. I was glad when he passed out on the couch finally.

 

Today is the celebration for the family for Tank’s birthday. That means a day of cooking and cleaning for me. But, Tank is my baby. It’s his last “kid” birthday. I’m happy to do what I can to make it a nice one.

 

Ah, life. What a creature of strangeness you are.

 

Today’s Soundtrack:

 

 

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I forgot about a check that was "out." My bank account is in the red, and I need groceries. And supplies for tonight's dealio.

I pinged all my clients who have outstanding balances. Maybe one of them will come through.

Oh hubby is going to be so jacked at me.
 

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 August 13, 2012 Morning Pages 0855 hrs. Sunny and 60 degrees. Shakespeare coffee mug at my side. Pouty Doggie at my feet.

 

Got up early enough, but I also went and picked blackberries before it got too hot. I got an entire bucket full in about :20 of actual picking time. It’s going to be too hot to “can” today and I’m not in the mental head space for it either. So the blackberries from today’s harvest are being flash frozen until I am able to preserve them. I set aside one pint for the kids to eat with breakfast if they so choose.

 

The Big Ass BBQ went well. There was a moment when I texted hubby (stuck on ‘grill duty’) that I said I was not going to do it next year. There were some kids running out of control and the parents were oblivious. Not cool. So we talked about it on Sunday and both of us expressed that we were so busy playing hostess, grill chef, kitchen coordinator, disciplinarian to enjoy the party until the fireworks and all that nonsense was over. Seriously, I had to scold members of Tank’s baseball team to stop using a nerf sword to smash FULL pop cans. I had to take another boy who broke the clearly expressed rules of “no smacking someone with the light sabers – it’s saber to saber fighting only when he took a toy light saber to another boys neck and left a very obvious mark. The mother – the wife of one of Hubby’s associates – was pitifully ineffective or responsive.

 

So we decided that in order to not feel resentful about having started a tradition that we’d like to keep yet truly want to feel like we could enjoy – we will hire a caterer (likely just as much money for the burgers/dogs and fixings to go with it that we did buy) and hire the SnoValley Sitters to organize activities, keep the kids safe, etc.  Oh man the little finger prints on my aquarium are hilarious. The little kids love our big 55-gallon tank. And the fish get pretty big, so it’s something interesting to look at….

 

Anyhow, that’s the lesson learned from this year’s big celebration. I felt like it was nothing but work until the fireworks.  

 

Sunday, there was lots more clean up, to include a run to the transfer station to sort recycle because our recycle from the party was overflowing. Luckily there’s no charge for recycle. But it was 90 degrees yesterday, so hubby and I were sweating our fannies off.

 

We also discovered in our party prep that one of our big 32-gallon garbage cans that we use for the party was mysteriously missing. They are stored at the back end of our property behind the tool/bike shed. One of two things happened. It blew away in one of our storms or someone took it. I hope it’s the first and not the second.

 

The house is still in fairly good shape. The hall bath – the kids’ main bath is already destroyed after I cleaned it Saturday morning. I do not for the life of me know how they get things so filthy and ridiculous so quickly. Today as part of their chores they all have to declutter their section of the medicine cabinet. I got a new sorting drawer thing in there to help them keep their things separate, safe and organized – so I hope that helps.

 

I have writing group, but I don’t know if I even have enough money to get an iced tea. We’ll see. We are flat-ass broke until Thursday – unless the last stock check comes. That’s it for the investments.

 

It also is becoming clear that Bean is just going to become more and more of a problem to deal with – I don’t know how to word it other than that. I don’t have the skills and nothing the doctors or counselors give me to do works. I meet with his psychologist and psychiatrist next week (20^th & 21^st) – and I’m hoping they have some news for me for a program for him. He needs to be in like a group home that has an academic focus. I have ZERO hope for the school year at the alternative school. I’m honestly not sure if ANYONE knows how to teach him. His ODD is taking over. Not surprising given the fact that he’s fully coming into puberty and teenagedom. His developmental and cognitive delays put him socially/emotionally closer to a 12 year old. But he’s the size of a grown man. All any of us do in the household is pray for him to leave the house so there can be peace, because as long as he is here, it’s nothing but conflict, despite us following the guidance of the “experts.” I hate feeling like this. It’s wholly unfair. I never thought I’d want my child to leave, but I do. I can’t do it any more. I would never wish this on my worst enemy. However, the irony that my worst enemy is the one that put me here does not elude me.

 

Well, the laundry calls. It was all caught up by Saturday morning. So, I want to make sure I stay on top of it, so my laundry room doesn’t get trashed. Just two more full weeks plus two days before school starts. Pnut leaves for camp on Sunday. She is nervous about having to be around people and not have any “alone” time. I told her that camp, then, would be a great challenge for her to learn how to cope when she can’t get that alone time – given that there will be times in her life where she couldn’t get that. It seemed to soothe her nerves.

 

Okay, music time as I get my chores together:

 

 

 

 

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 August 9, 2012 Morning Pages 0830 hrs. Sunny and 59 degrees in Twin Peaks. It’s gorgeous out and I’m trying to decide (woah for a second my brain could not spell decide) whether to do outside work first or inside work first. There will likely be no writing today and I have a blog post still waiting for me to finish.

 

Sun, Moon & Stars Cup today. I need to plant the fall brussel sprouts today. And maybe get some late Kale, since everyone is asking me if I grow kale. I’m going to try it.

 

As you can tell I slept in this morning. Hubby said he didn’t need a lunch. The VP of global information security has taken a shine to my hubby and he invited him to not only a beer after work yesterday, but lunch. So I got some extra sleep. I went to bed early, too. I was so fatigued yesterday it was ungodly. The kind of body tired that I had during military training. But it was tough pushing me yesterday. My internal voice kept saying, “Will you get up and move already.” Lots of pauses looking off into nowhere. Sitting down and just starring off into space. I pissed and moaned on FB about being so tired and it feeling off and weird. I’m going to blame it on the planetary alignment transition. I feel a little better today. I also ate some junk yesterday – chips, soda, chocolate (okay the later was not necessarily ‘junk’). But my diet has been so good, I have no idea except for just not thinking why I did that. So today, it’s back on the feel-good-food bandwagon. With football practice eating healthy is a challenge. Tank and I determined yesterday that a smoothie before practice is good for him so he has fuel, but isn’t ‘full.’ And he just eats reasonable when he gets home.

 

There are a few sections that still need to be accomplished before the Big Ass BBQ on Saturday. The fridge and stove were neglected yesterday, so I tackle them today. My desk and three hot spots in the media room, the path to the garaginator, and finish the last of my weeding (I did the Deku tree yesterday because it was nice and cool under it – the humidity was sick yesterday), to include the pine trees, the front bed and a little bit in the herb garden. Then the outside for me is done. Friday I’m going to my writers group and then cleaning the hall bath (this is like hazmat area for me, because it’s the kids’ bath and although they “clean” it everyday, it’s not Mommy clean). That leaves just mopping floors on Saturday morning and setting up the canopy, tables and chairs, putting up signs for the trash, lavatory and Authorized Access Only. And laundry. Oi. Fucking laundry.

 

Oh and I continue to be thrilled with all the photos and data coming back from Mars. Screw those Luddites who say it’s a waste of money. The fucking Olympics is a waste of money.

 

Well Miss Sleep In and Be Lazy needs to get her fanny in gear. I guess the extra sleep last night was worth it. I’m still loving the Niki and The Dove music, but I’m going to give you something else today, too, that’s on the Soundtrack:

 

 

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 August 8, 2012 Morning Pages, 0730 hours, Cloudy and 61 degrees in Twin Peaks. Not expected to get much sun or warmth today.

 

Yesterday I busted my ass. I really need to keep that same energy level up all the way through Saturday night. Then Sunday is a pajama day!

 

Few more decluttering/hot spot cleanings to do in the kitchen – top of fridge, kids homework cubbie and the wood stove. All three should be easily accomplished today. I also need to clean the stove top and the kitchen refrigerator today. Also need to finish weeding the front bed and maybe transplanting more of the periwinkle along the fence (trying to see if the periwinkle can kill out my neighbors intruding blackberry bushes, holly and other weeds. I USED to have grass along the fence. Not now. It’s one of the reasons I put in the rock-edged bed. My new landscaping hides the horrible looking fence line (completely uneven at the bottom and intruding weeds) and I’ve kept up on the weeding this year and it looks so much better.

 

Hubby found a flea on Yuki this morning. Just one. So, flea treatment will be happening today, too. That way she becomes the flea-killing machine. I just can’t for the life of me figure out how she got a flea. Dog park maybe? Ugh. Makes me itch just thinking of it.

 

My hubby cracked up when he saw the fruits of my labor yesterday. The folks that lived here before us had put in slap-shod landscaping in this one section in front of the picture window of the living room. We have re-established those plants in other places of the yard (in smarter places of the yard) and are planning to put in a patio out front. But it won’t be done before the bbq. However, the empty land left a huge plot for weeds to grow (most were more than 2-feet tall, so this is an improvement). (Eventually we’ll be pushing out the wall of the living room, putting in a bow window and the patio will be smaller…but that’s probably a few years away). But, I somehow felt compelled to let him and everyone else know that it will be adorable and comfortable space when we’re done. Hopefully by next year’s BABBQ. I hunt everyday on craigslist and while I’m driving around town to find patio stones. I have the sand and weed cloth. Just need more stones.

 

But, slowly but surely my efforts this summer to get the house organized are working. At least I can see a difference. Everyday doing :15 on Operation Organization is working.

 

Got another paragraph of the blog post done before my hubby asked me to come watch the Olympics with him. I was pissed because we were going to see the floor exercise final and there was a fucking commercial that said “Congratulations on the gold to….” And named the Olympic winner. Well, fuck. Guess I’ll go to bed and read. And I did. Idiots, NBC. Just idiots.

 

I have a huge amount of work to do today not only for the house, but for my writing, being a football team mom, and a reminder note to SnoValley Writes! I also have therapy today. Oi, best get started it’s after 0800 already.

 

Here’s today’s music. If you're a Prince fan, you'll love these guys. Someone on YouTube said it was like if Prince & MIA had a love child. Indeed. Regardless, it's fantastic get-your-ass-moving music:

 

 

 

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 July 24, 2012 Morning Pages, 0734 hrs. Sunny and 56 degrees in Twin Peaks.

 

Rainbow Coffee Mug day. Because I need a little inner rainbow. Sleep last night was punctuated with nightmares and pain. Also, I think I may have caught Bean sneaking around – not sure if he was returning from being out, in the kitchen or on the computer. Tonight:  the eye of Sauron goes on and we lock the computers. Also we had invested in these little alarms for the doors, but we haven’t used them yet. I suppose tonight we will try ‘em out. /sigh.

 

TMI ALERT:  Today is day three of the monthly cycle, but it’s the worst day (which started last night) – all dysmenorrhea and menorrhagia for more than 24 hours. No fun. Now after this Jezebel article yesterday, I’m considering going back on depo to get a break. Because it takes me a few days to recover from this, which doesn’t feed into the sickness I have for crossing things off my “to do” list and the insatiable need to accomplish things. As uberreiniger put it yesterday – I have this thing called ambition. I may tilt the scales to the unhealthy, but I’m working on that (see Rulin’s). But, I remember after I got my tubes tied (after Tank was born) I felt relieved to not have to do birth control and I had been on it for nearly 10 years solid. I remember thinking that I would probably be healthier because, after all, it was more natural. After my separation and divorce I was celibate for some time; then when I started dating and having an active sex life again, I just used condoms, because I couldn’t afford birth control. Once Hubby and I were together and tested and monogamous, and we both were fixed, it didn’t seem necessary to have birth control at all. But, that article has me thinking about it purely for the HIT I get each month. After the article, I did research on whether it may hurt me hormonally, and it sounds like if you take a break every now and then, it might be okay. Of course the article makes it sound like my ancestors (you know the ones I’m trying to be more natural like) didn’t have as many periods and since I get mine every 21 to 25 days, not having some a year would be very, very good. I guess I need to talk to my doctor and I’m overdue for a physical. But all medical appointments are on hold as much as possible until our insurance converts – Bean’s Pdoc appointments being the exception – which is one thing I have to do today, reschedule the appointment from last week when he was sick.

 

Yesterday during editing I introduced a new character to SECOND THOUGHT. So I need to add her (or I may change it to a him, not sure) summary and arc trajectory and make sure it fits. But, yeah. I think it’s good. It was a missing element that I was trying to put my thumb on and finally hit on it yesterday. I’m looking forward to doing nothing much but editing, reading and writing today. I will try to do my household chores, but am going to take it easy. I was good yesterday and for the most part got everything done. Because of my energy and pain levels today I will put off finishing the Raven Chronicle review until tomorrow. There’s more to read on it, yet. It’s quite the extensive cultural package. Again, which got me thinking about culture and how it feels oftentimes that I lack one. Yeah, yeah, check your privilege at the door white chick. But seriously, because its so dominate and yet so foreign to me because of my background, I feel like I have no culture – that it’s something made up and not real. It troubles me and I can’t define it clearly, nor identify the roots of this dissatisfaction. I suppose that’s why my Pagan spiritualism means so much to me. It’s a culture that is real to me. It’s a way to live (which culture really is at its foundation) that I can identify and feel natural about. I’ve had this conversation in the past with my Hubby and he claims we are clearly in the Nerd Culture, that our race and ethnicity don’t have much to do with our culture. I remember commenting to him, that was because it seemed the Euro-ancestors seemed hell bent on making it as vanilla and boring as possible. But when I go to our Pagan roots – that is when it becomes interesting and real. However, when I’m reading anthologies like this or my favored translated world literature, I feel like the rest of the world just is so much more interesting. America, you are so boring to me. But, then I think about living in Wyoming and Louisiana and Hawaii, and there are distinct cultures there. Hell, even Michigan has a culture (although I identify nothing but negative mostly there). I don’t know. Is it hard when you’re in the midst of it to clearly say, “hey, this is your culture?”

 

It’s clear I’m still half asleep and need another cup of coffee. And my ears are ringing so badly right now, it’s hard to hear the dishwasher going (which I started this morning because hubby didn’t do it last night as he said he would. Sigh.)

 

Surviving & Functioning today means I call the doctor’s office and make an appointment, I edit, I read, I make sure my children don’t hurt themselves or destroy our property. I think I can do that. Go me.

I did it July 23, 2012

 

( But yesterday was Rock-n-RollingCollapse )

Awoke

Zombie with coffee for like 5 minutes

Make hubbies lunch

Do Bean’s meds and call in refills

Do chore board

Catch up on Email/FB messages

Journal

Wake up kids

Have breakfast – begin reading Raven Chronicles.

Dress/Hygiene

Swish & Swipe

Make Bed

10 Things in Bedroom

Start Laundry

Help Bean with iPod snafu

(Fun with tortillas):

Teach Bean how to make Quesadilla

Teach Tank how to make breakfast burrito

Writer’s Café (Editing)

Come home and check email/upload photos

Move laundry along

Harvest lettuce

Clean lettuce and set to “dry” for dinner (seriously, I need a salad spinner)

Boil eggs for lunches and dinner tonight

Eat leftover spinach pizza for lunch

Ghetto mocha while continuing doing review for Raven Chronicles

:15 of Weeding

Fart around on Goodreads (transfer word document of “to read” to Goodreads)

Play WoW for :90 (haven’t played in weeks and I’m feeling less than energetic. Dumb being a woman time)

Make dinner (make your own salad bar night!)

Grab snap peas from garden

Eat dinner

Take a walk with hubby and puppy

Laundry go round

Watch television with hubby

Shower

Read before bed

Lights out

 

Well, I guess it’s time to find some music and try to do whatever it is I can do. But I think a morning nap might be in order.

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